“The greatest revelation of this mindfulness course was not that it offered an escape from my mind, but that it provided a blueprint for building a sanctuary within myself and my own mind.”
(Ella Rees)
Ella’s internal world feels as if it is governed by a trinity of forces: the repetitive, intrusive loops of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the scattered, restless energy of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and a monthly hormonal tide that intensely amplifies both. Although she has been exploring and adapting mindfulness-based practices for nearly half her life, it has been through applying the teachings of a recent 8-week Mindfulness for Stress and Wellbeing course that she has experienced a revolutionary change through learning to bring awareness and acceptance to her day-to-day emotional experiences.
“Before this course, my relationship with this triad was one of fusion: I was my anxiety, I was my distractibility, I was my hormonal despair. Learning to mindfully bring awareness and acceptance to my experience provided me with a methodology for separation, and in doing so, forged a path to manage the stress that defines so much of my experience.”
Ella’s voice represents the experience of many for whom the instruction to sit still and mindfully pay attention can often feel out of reach. Adapting practices so that they suit different nervous systems and different trauma histories is an important development for mindfulness and many of these developments will come from the ground up.
“Humanising the approaches from the course has meant adapting them to my neurodiverse mind. Traditional seated meditation can be agonising with ADHD’s restlessness. So, my practice became mindful walking, where the movement satiates the body’s need for stimulation while the mind practices awareness of sensation.”
As a parent of four children, the demands of Ella’s external world also require creative adaptation. She practices mindful breathing to regulate her nervous system whilst lying down and settling her baby and snatches momentary opportunities to gain focus inside the noisy reality of a household with four children.
“Sometimes it’s ninety seconds on the landing before someone needs me. Sometimes it’s just remembering to breathe while I’m cooking the children’s tea.”
Reframing concepts of failure is another cornerstone of Ella’s approach to practice. A bad mindfulness day is not a failing or proof that the practice doesn’t work. It is simply another experience. Awareness becomes ‘I am completely overwhelmed and cannot access my tools right now’, and acceptance becomes ‘this is how it is in this moment, it will not always be like this’.
By applying the dual principles of acceptance and awareness to her emotional pain and learning to turn towards it with the same calmness and gentleness that she would if it were a sick dog, Ella is building a sanctuary of self amidst the storm. No longer identified as just the storm itself, she is the space in which the weather of her neurobiology and physiology play out. Some days that space is wide, calm, and compassionate. Other days, it feels cramped and turbulent. But the pivotal shift is knowing that she is the space, not the weather.
“This separation is the most powerful stress management tool I have ever encountered, professionally and personally. It allows me to meet professional deadlines with less paralytic anxiety and engage in personal relationships without being completely eclipsed by internal noise.”
Going forwards, Ella plans to continue this practice and build her knowledge regarding the acceptance of emotional pain in order to manage the stressors of life. She also intends to start meditation and wellbeing classes within a home-schooling environment for children with ADHD/autism/anxiety to help them understand their emotions and find calm within themselves. Whilst this is just a thought at present, she has a strong hope to help others to manage their emotions and have less reactions and more control over their daily life through meditative activities.
Contact details:
ellapaigerees@gmail.com